Thanks so much for all the hugs

Your comments have made the world to me. Sorry about the blurting out yesterday – it probably didn’t make too much sense either 😉

As for the work situation, they were really apologetic, but said they had to do it to be fair to everyone (ie for those who don’t turn up just because they can’t be bothered), so I understand their situation – and it was my own fault … if I’d written it down in my diary for the possible times, and not just relied on my head for remembering it, I wouldn’t be in this predicament now … but then again, it’s also been the final straw for me to release some of this pent-up emotion, so perhaps it’s all meant to be …

I hadn’t realised just how much it had been getting me down … and what I didn’t mention yesterday was that I had just received a final demand from the tax guys saying ‘put up or else’ (I just bit the bullet and paid the whole lot off yesterday, so I suppose in some ways that’s one pressure off, even though it makes things a bit tighter financially for a while) … plus I also got a text message yesterday asking why I hadn’t paid my electricity bill (that I’m 100% positive I did pay, but knowing me the way I am at the moment with my head going in every direction, I probably paid it into the wrong account … a bit of Sherlock Holmes needs to happen this morning as I scroll through my banking records etc).  Then having my back play up and costing more money I just didn’t need – all I can say is “bless my GP” … when I went out to pay the bill ($75 because it was after 6pm), he’d authorised to have the entire cost bulk billed to Medicare, so I didn’t have to pay for anything at all – that set me off crying again because of his thoughtfulness haha.

I suppose I’m also upset in the fact I have to move from here … I guess in my heart I really don’t want to go because I just adore this location, but I also know that the structural damage is really stressing me out.  One night I woke up from a nightmare when I’d dreamt the roof had come down while I was sleeping … and every day I walk in I’m like an automaton looking around the ceilings to see if things are worse – I’m probably stressing more because there was only a tiny hairline crack along the architraving in my bedroom, but over the last week I’ve noticed it’s now it’s a few mm thick.  I’ve been trying not to stress about it, but obviously it’s worrying the hell out of me underneath for me to be dreaming about it!  That’s what upset me so much with the car etc, as it took away my ‘means of escape’ out of here – but the housesitting is an option to give me some breathing space and get out without having to have the capital sitting in the bank immediately.  It means I’ll end up having double the expense of a moving truck, although some of the guys at work said to me yesterday that if I put on a BBQ and beers etc, then they’d give me a hand to move, so perhaps I could do that on the ‘2nd move’ from the storage company – at least that’ll be on ground level so it’ll be easier (I wouldn’t wish that on anyone from this place, as it’s up 4 flights of stairs!).

 Anyway, all-in-all I need to give everything some serious thought – I’ll find out on Monday if the housesitting thing is a definite ‘goer’, in which case I’ll start scoping out some storage places and start packing up next week.  You might not be seeing much stitching coming from this neck of the woods for a while if that’s the case.  Although I think that’s what I might concentrate on today and tomorrow, just to try to relax my brain to give me more chance to think things through 🙂

Thanks again for all your support – it’s really really appreciated.  Hopefully soon I can move on and get past this phase …