Depressed?

I’ve spent today on and off in tears … I kept getting teary-eyed at work today, and finally almost broke down in the office with my ‘old’ supervisor Sally.  What happened to send me over the top today?  Partly my own fault … and I’m kicking myself for my own stupidity … I had 1 1/2 hours overtime approved before my shift started today, but I thought I’d written it down for after my shift, meaning I essentially ‘no-showed’ for my overtime … so I arrive to the news that I can now not request overtime for the next month!  Seeing as that was to be my ‘saviour’ for my latest financial situation, that was the last straw for me … I’ve been in an emotional meltdown ever since 😦

I don’t think it was helped whatsoever by the fact I haven’t been sleeping properly compliments of my trapped nerve/neck pain – but I can’t get in for an appointment until Tuesday afternoon to get that manipulated back into place.  Anyway, I decided my state of mind at work wasn’t helping anyone, so I made an appointment to see my local GP, who was excellent – he’s sending me for extra blood tests for other things, as I’ve also been having problems with swollen feet and ankles this week, and my blood pressure was quite high tonight.  He wants to take it again in a couple of weeks once my back/neck pain has subsided, and I’m less stressed … he then looked at me and asked if I was depressed … I promptly started getting teary-eyed and upset again, then explained that I had been under a lot of stress before Christmas financially not being able to buy food basically for 2 months, and that I’m stressing that I’m getting back in that same position again, not to mention my housing situation.  I thought I’d been doing really well holding it all in, but it’s been lurking away in the background obviously, and today the floodgates opened in earnest!

Anyway, he’s given me a certificate to keep me out of work until after next Tuesday … should give me time to get back on an even keel again – and he’s also given me some Voltaren tablets to help ease the pain a bit, and which will hopefully give me a better night’s sleep than I’ve been getting now.

On the other side, Sally says she’s going away for almost 2 months, and was considering getting a housesitter in to look after her place (in East Bentleigh, not too far from where I am now, and where I used to live when I first moved to Aussie) – so a new possibility would be that I give my notice in here, pack up everything into storage, and look after her place while she’s away (starting from next month, I guess).  That means I’d also have my bond money back from here, which is pretty much $1,000, before I moved into the new place, which takes the financial pressure off a bit.  It also means I’d be living basically rent-free for that time, giving me chance to get back on my feet again.  Anyway, it’s an option to consider, I guess – my head is almost splitting tonight with a headache (from the stress, I think), so I’ll have to think it over again when I’m thinking more rationally.

 Sorry for blurting this all out tonight – I was going to write an “I’ll be back soon” post, but then I thought it would be good to just get it all off my chest … and if there’s nothing else about me, it’s that I’m 100% honest and up-front on here – dirty laundry and all.

Anyway, I’ll be taking it easy over the next day or three, so don’t worry if I’m not posting or commenting much – I have much to mull over …  Mum, expect a phone call from me over the next day or so – if it wasn’t for the time difference you would have had one tonight!! 😉

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27 thoughts on “Depressed?

  1. Keeping things in is never a good option, Anne. I do hope you can work out your problems VERY soon. Get as much rest as you can. Big cyberhug from me to you!

  2. My heart just breaks for you each time I read your posts. I don’t know how one person can take so much. Please know that we all hold you dear to our hearts and are pulling for you. Do take care and try to sleep some and release some of this anxiety. I’m sending good vibes and a big hug your way.

  3. I’m so sorry to hear about that. It’s an honest mistake, and it’s a shame that the consequences are so harsh. I’m glad that you were able to get everything off of your chest. Hope things work out for you soon and you are feeling better 🙂

    (((((hugs)))))

  4. Hi Anne

    That seems so unfair about the overtime when it was obviously an honest mistake. I really hope you manage to get that shoulder sorted out on Tuesday too.

    House sitting sounds like it would be the perfect solution for you at the moment. I hope Sally decides to let you do it. A much needed relief for your finances and get you out of that flat. It looks so dangerous from the photo’s you’ve shown and what you’ve said. I worry about you being there!

    I so know what it’s like to bottle this kind of stuff up. It all comes out in one big gush in the end doesn’t it. Similar situation here – just waiting for the big gush, but not as brave as you to put it on my blog 😦 Well done you for doing that.

    lots of love and a BIG ((((((((hug)))))))

    Karen

  5. (((hugs))) to you Anne. I am so sorry that you are having a lousy time right now. It is good that you are talking to your doctor. We are here for you, so don’t hesitate to post.

    : )

  6. Oh Anne, not good……….. but I think the house-sitting is a great idea, it would save you money and give you somewhere safer to stay. Plus I think a change of scene might help you at present, just in itself. So unfair about the overtime, you would think they don’t need to be so draconian about a little mistake, particularly with one of their best employees!
    Re the blood pressure etc, it’s important to get that sorted out, I am glad you are going to the doctor, your health is the important thing. I hope you will be able to get some sleep and just take it easy until you have to go back to work.

  7. {{{{{{{{Anne}}}}}}}

    I agree with everyone else about not bottling things up – much better to get them off your chest 🙂

    Sorry about the overtime – the penalty seems a little harsh, considering that it was a genuine mistake and they obviously know you’re a committed person, judging from all the awards you’ve won. The house-sitting thing sounds like it might be just what you need to get back on your feet financially – definitely worth serious consideration anyway. Glad you went to the docs and he was able to help – I hope things start looking up for you soon.

    Take care and if you do feel like chatting, you know my inbox is always open 🙂

  8. Sounds like your emotion bottle popped its cork! That what happens to me sometimes. I’ll shove stuff down over and over again until it fills up and I suddenly become a basketcase, crying uncontrollably. You need to install a release valve so that you can let some of it escape at times before it overwhelms you. Easier said that done, though, I know.

    Let me know if you want to chat IRL sometime. I can easily buy some more credits for my Skype and give you a call, if you ever need another voice on the phone. *hug*

  9. I’m so sorry to hear this news. My friend at work has just come back to work after being off since February with depression and anxiety – from a marriage breakdown. Please do take care of yourself, there has been a huge change in my friend physically as well as the mental side.
    I think the housesitting idea is a great one, at least you will have a change of scenery for a while.

  10. If I could rub my magic lantern and wish you good health and good prospects, I would. I can only mirror the many good thoughts coming your way and hope that no matter how bad the present is, the future leads to a much better place.

  11. More hugs coming in from me, Anne!! {{{{{{Anne}}}}}}

    What a harsh consequence for a simple error, it’s awful. I tend to hold in stress too, without even realizing it, until I have a meltdown of some sort. Glad you have a few days off to rejuvenate.

    Housesitting sounds like just the situation you need! It helps your friend out and your bank balance improves too!

    Hang in there, Anne. You have a huge cheering section here if you’re in need of a boost. 🙂

  12. I think a lot of us tend to hold in stress, trying to be a good girl/not rock the boat. And from all the awards you win at work and the 110% you obviously put into everything you do, it’s obvious you’ve got to be holding too much of the “bad” stuff in. Like Jenna mentioned, you need a release valve to bleed off a bit of that steam before it becomes too much (and also like she said, easier said than done). My advice would be to break everything down into the smallest possible pieces you can, so you can start “solving” them and build your self-confidence. Can you speak to someone at work about the unjust punishment dished out for your minor (and very understandable) error? You probably should take the housesitting position and ease your financial situation a bit. The days off work arranged by your doctor could be spent partly ‘just’ resting and partly doing some gentle strategizing.

    Sorry to blather on, but I worry about you, too, and have been through some of this & would like to help. Sending you lots & lots of hugs. Take care!!!!!

  13. {{{HUGS}}} Anne! I can’t give any better advise than what I’ve read in the previous comments. I’m glad to hear you’re taking care of your health, mental and physical. It’s the most important thing! Take care!

  14. Awww! I am sorry things have got you blue. now! we all know you love Blue, but really! you can’t feel that color, alright? you can look at it and stitch with it, but you aren’t supposed to carry it on your shoulders! Hang in there! Hope the meds the doc gave helps you get some rest, sometimes that will help all in it’s own. I hop eyo ucan get some rest and relaxation over the next few days!

  15. Big Hugs to you!! I hope the new medicine works and you can get a good nighs sleep. Take Care will be thinking of you!!

  16. Sorry to hear you are feeling so down just now the trapped nerve doesn’t help either…remember I did that just before xmas and I know how painful it feels and the lack of sleep. Hopefully you will get some treatment for that very soon 🙂 I hope the house sitting will work out as that seems a great option for the time being for you. Do take care of yourself and try to get some rest even if you can’t sleep, things *will* pick up again soon for you!

    (((Hugs)))

  17. I was signed off work one time and when the company demanded to know what the doctor had signed me off for, he wrote them a letter saying that because they obviously couldn’t believe he’d signed me off and that it was ‘depression caused by stress at work’.

    Anne I wanted to send you a little something to cheer you up, but I don’t have your address, so this {{{hug}}} will have to make up for it.

    Take care of yourself, you’ll feel much better for having told someone about it. Chin up, it will blow over.

  18. More {{{hugs}}} for you! I hope things get better soon. I’d love to send you something, too, but I’m not sure how to go about asking the RAK registry admin for her own address 🙂

  19. Oh Anne. So sorry. You will get on top of this, I have no doubt. It’s just so hard to see the way through from here. {{Hugs}}

  20. {{{Anne}}} – it doesn’t rain, it pours, right? I hope things improve for you soon; being able to house-sit sounds like it might be a nice opportunity. I hope it all works out!

  21. Hi Anne,

    You should never feel ashamed or embarrassed in any way of ever admiiting you are depressed. I am on anti-depressants, have been for a while, and this is my second time. Sit back, take a big sigh, and deal with one thing at a time.

    Just know that there are many people here who adore you and wish the very best for you. Consider all of your options and decide on the pros and cons.

    Sending you lots of ((((hugs))))

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